Autism, what it is, what it’s done to our family, where we are today.

As many of you know we have been on our journey out of autism for a little more than 4 years now. As soon as we entered it, without asking to join the club  I may add, we wanted out. Autism is a condition that changed our world as we knew it, our hopes and dreams for our son were taken away in an instant. Without warning ,without a hint it was coming. We went from being happy parents of a beautiful little boy, anxiously waiting for our daughter to join us, to very sad and hopeless parents. We were lost and had not one clue what autism was, were it came from, but worst of all how to get rid of it. Autism was something new to us, something we were not about to embrace, I knew Alex was not born with this so I knew I could/would get rid of it. A little voice inside me told me I could change this, I listened to that voice and it led me to recovery.

I submerged myself in anything and everything I could to heal my son, diets, biomedical treatments, supplements, homeopathy, CEASE  etc you all know the story. In this past four  years many things have changed, Alex has made tremendous progress, he has also gained two siblings, Julie and Santi. Alex has gone from being non-verbal to speaking in sentences. It’s been a year since his language kicked in and we couldn’t be happier about that, it is something I had been praying for way too long. In this journey I’ve learned that the little things in life aren’t really that little. What do I mean by this? I mean that things like being able to speak, to walk, smell, taste, touch, feel, all those things many, (I included) take for granted are truly HUGE! Alex has taught me to appreciate everything I am able to do, everything I am able to say, he has taught me to appreciate life like never before. Because of him I am the great confident woman and mother I am today. I am much wiser, I know so much, I know things I never in my wildest dreams thought I would know. He has made me realize just how strong I am, how determined I can be, he has made me a woman I can be proud of. Seeing how much he has struggled along the way makes me have so much admiration for him, he has been through hell and back and yet managed to do it with a smile on his face, a smile that can move mountains, a smile I would and did everything I could to get back.

So lets travel back in time and go through something called an ATEC test, what is this you may ask. Well this is a test I did on Alex at the beginning of our journey to see how affected he was by autism. This test asks you questions about the child, things like: does the child respond to his name? Does the child use one word at a time? Does he look at you? Questions many of us have had to answer multiple times. The first time I took this test Alex had a very high score and let me tell you that this is the only test where I wanted him to flunk. The higher the score the more affected the child is so that is why I wanted him to fail. Two years into our journey I took this test again and Alex’s score was a 61, which was lower than the first test but still high in my book. On Friday while chatting with a couple of fellow warrior moms one brought up the ATEC again and I started thinking, “when was the last time I took one of these for Alex”. I went back through my notes on Facebook and realized it has been over two years, February of 2011 to be exact. So I said why not, I will do this test today. As I checked off boxes I realized my mood was a lot different taking this test then it was two years ago, I answered the questions so quickly I was done in no time, then it came time to see our score. Drum rollllllllll pleaseeeeeee : 16 a WHOPPING 16 that’s 45 points less, DEAR CHRIST SOMEONE PINCH ME! I was so happy, thrilled, excited, all sorts of emotions into one, I could have cried many happy tears but I didn’t. This was something to smile and cheer about, my son is  so close to not being a candidate for this test and that my friends is exactly what I want.

So back to today and now, autism is something we have been talking about in our house for many years now. And well one day we need to tell Alex what autism is, which I am sure he knows already being that the kid is a genius and knows everything. We need to tell him this is his diagnosis and to be completely honest with you I have no idea how I will do this. Yesterday I talked to Julie about it, she will be four in July which many would think is too young to be told such things. But whoever knows Julie knows she is a very mature and smart little cookie, she is my daughter after all could’t and wouldn’t expect anything less from her. Julie has been to every school Alex has been in, she sees his classmates and wants to be part of his class. She sees kids just like her brother, to her they are just kids without labels or diagnosis, in her innocent mind they are her friends and cousins even. At Alex’s current school their is a little girl who follows Alex and his aide everywhere they go. Julie has grown to love this little girl, she says its her best friend, honestly I have grown to love her too. Julie doesn’t know what autism is so I thought I needed to tell her. I sat her down yesterday and asked her ” Julie you know how Alex doesn’t talk to you as much as you’d like him to? And how he loves his books and being in his room? Well he is the way he is because Alex has autism, just like ( girls name from school). Julie looked at me and said “autism mom, huh”. As I was about to start my next sentence I heard my husband crying, crying like I had not seen him do in a long long time. And when I man cries you know he is hurting inside, a pain that is so deep that crying is the only way to make it better. I hugged him and asked why he was crying? As best as he could he said it was because of the conversation I was having with Julie, I am sure he never wanted this to be a topic at our home. Sadly it is and we need to face reality, autism is on our lives and even when Alex completely recovers autism will still be a topic at our house, I felt that Julie needs to know about this and maybe will better understand her brother.

How I decided it was time to have this conversation: Yesterday I was invited to attend a presentation given by an adult with autism. I had a lot f interest and wanted to hear what this woman had to say. It was a very eye opening experience and this was exactly what I needed to take the next step. She said our kids need to know what is happening, she said she would have loved to have known many years ago what was happening to her. She found our about her autism as an adult which she doesn’t recommend for any of our kids. So I asked her what was the best way to tell Alex, she recommended this book she helped write. The book is called I Love Being my Own Autistic Self by Landon Bryce. She says this book would hopefully be a great tool, I told her Alex loves books and I thought and hope this will make this conversation go a lot easier. She told me to let Alex read it before I go into his room to talk about autism with him, she thinks Alex will be able to relate to the characters in the book, one of the characters even has a sister which I think it’s perfect. I truly hope this book will open the door to a conversation I have been dreading, I didn’t know if Alex was too young to know about this, or  does he know already? I wouldn’t be surprised if he did, I’ve said it so many times not directly at him but he’s always listening so I am sure it’s time. I don’t know how he will react to it, but I am sure it’s time, Alex is so bright, such a go-getter, I know he will make the best of it, I just hope me and Luis can make it through the talk without breaking down. All I can hope for is that Alex knows he will always be Alex to us, the Alex we have always loved and will continue to fight for. A diagnosis is just that, a label that has it’s days numbered, everyday that goes by is a day less for autism in our house!

Our battle against insurance!

It’s been a few months that we stated putting together a class action lawsuit again our insurance company who pays pretty much for nothing in regards to Alex’s treatment. Yesterday the lawsuit was presented in court and the news was all over the story. Here’s a link to yesterday’s interview!

Interview regarding lawsuit

Your words are music to my ears.

Lots has happened these past few weeks, Alex is making so much progress. I had such high hopes with this fluoride clearing and seeing my hopes become a reality feels amazing!
Alex is so much more understanding about EVERYTHING. Turning off the iPad, computer, tv, letting go off his book, whatever the case may be Alex doesn’t without an issue. At school getting Alex to give up the iPad or computer was a bit hectic at times but NOT NO MORE, Alex is turning off the iPad when asked, no tantrum at all. It’s as if everything before this was just a bad dream and now Alex is understanding that not doing what he wants when he wants isn’t the end of the world. It’s actually ok if he can’t play anymore because its lunch time, dinner, bedtime, whatever, it’s ok there’s always tomorrow. I’ve been praying for this for so long, for the day Alex wouldn’t lose it because he didn’t get his way, or get to play longer, I prayed for this day and now it’s here. God has answered my prayers, one by one, I know and feel so confident that the day will come when he’s completely recovered, when he’s completely back.

Words: well there’s many new words in Alex’s repertory. He’s saying all sorts of things now a days, some of my favorite are:
• when something doesn’t go his way he says, “what a mess, what a mess”.
• when he accidentally hurts Julie or Santi, or they get hurt all on their own: poor Santi, poor Julie.
• when going to school just doesn’t seem like the thing to do, “no school for me today”.
• at bedtime I say “good night poppa” he says “sweet dreams mother”
• Yes, he calls me MOTHER how awesome and proper is that?
• when offered something he doesn’t want or need he says “no thanks”
• the other day when my sisters boyfriend asked him how his day at school was Alex responded with “I did art today at school with my friends” I about had a happy heart attack when I heard him respond!!! Alex could answer these types of questions, seems like now he does!
So many more things he’s said, it’s such a blessing, a blessing I’ve prayed so hard for, a blessing from up above.

Fluoride 1M: this week we bumped him up to 1M and the greatness continues. He’s teachers and aide are impressed with his much noted flexibility and all around happiness. He’s been staying in his regular ed classroom for the whole time most days, other he request by using his words and saying goodbye to his teacher that he wants to go back to his CB classroom. The CB classroom is much smaller and less noisy, something Alex prefers. At lunch time I get to see just how much the kids love him. On Monday one of his classmates (regular ed) was so excited to tell me that Alex talked to her that day. Alex’s aides face light up and she was telling us both what Alex said to her, it was amazing to see how happy this made her, if she only knew how happy she made me. Lunch time has become a great time to hear all sorts of stories about Alex and his classmates, or as he calls them, his friends.

I could go on and on about how happy we are, it’s an amazing feeling to see Alex’s sense of humor and all the things that make him Alex coming back. It’s a long time coming, I can only imagine this what more this clearing will reveal. I invite you to stay tune, I invite you to be a part of it all, it will be lovely, that I can guarantee!

Can you say healing?

We are on week 4 of our fluoride clearing and I can finally say I’m seeing physical signs that something inside Alex’s body is changing. We haven’t seen aggravations much except for yesterday when Alex seemed agitated at moments throughout the day. This week we saw fevers on and off, runny nose and coughing. Alex very politely asked me if he could stay home Thursday and Friday morning by saying “no school for me today mom, no (aides name) for me today”. How could I say no to him, he’s talking and asking so nicely. Plus with the sad puppy face he had and fever I wouldn’t dare send him to school. For the first three weeks I wondered if this clearing would do anything since I didn’t see much physical reactions from Alex, after a conversation with Sima (our homeopath) I realized aggravations aren’t always present for healing to happen. Alex has been understating and talking more, answering questions he couldn’t before. On Tuesday my sisters boyfriend was over visiting, he asked Alex how he’s day was. My sister and I didn’t expect Alex to respond, he still can’t answer these types of questions. To our amazement Alex not only answered him once but repeated his answer 3 times!!! He said to him “I did art at school with MY FRIENDS today at school”! Did you all catch that? FRIENDS, he said his FRIENDS words can’t even begin to describe what I felt when I heard him talking and answering a question I’ve asked him everyday since he’s been in school. I Was so overwhelmed with joy, Alex’s voice gives me fuel to keep going, he made me experience and feel what miracles are all about!

School: Alex’s aide has grown to love Alex and can’t hide his joy when Alex does something so cool as he calls it. Last week for instance Alex was the shinning star of the week, his aide couldn’t even wait for me to sit down at the lunch table to tell me. He very proudly took out Alex’s diploma from a binder and showed it to me, I couldn’t have been more proud myself. Listening to Alex’s aide talk to me about Alex’s math abilities, his love for reading, how the kids take care of Alex at recess and how impressed he is at how smart Alex is, he’s words exactly “this kiddo is amazing, he’s so smart, he knows geometric shapes my friends in college don’t recognize”. He warms my heart when he talks about Alex, But my favorite sentence of the week from him is “Alex has been talking so much more, he’s been saying so many things lately”, music to my ears I tell ya.

At home: we’ve noticed so many things changing, for instance the stimming has diminished and is mostly happening the day after dosing, usually Fridays. It’s not as noticeable as it used to though, he’s been following directions much faster and when it’s time to go to bed and turn of the iPad or laptop Alex only needs to be told once and the kid is on it. This is HUGE for us as Alex’s favorite pastime are his electronics. This used to create a chaotic scene at bedtime, but these past 2 weeks have been a breeze. I remember the look on Luis’s face the first night he asked Alex to turn off his iPad because it was bedtime. Luis walked out of the room and when he came back Alex was in bed, iPad was off. Luis’s face was that of disbelieve, he was like “I just asked Alex to go to bed and turn off his iPad and he did it all on his own, without fighting about it”. The next night same story and its been like that for two weeks now. Let me tell you that after 2 years of sleep issues, trouble falling asleep and more so staying asleep, this is heaven and healing at its best. Things have been great at home, I can see changes in Alex, big changes. This clearing is healing Alex in ways I hoped for, god heard my prayers, he’s making them a reality.

Fluoride 200C: next week (3rd) we will continue on this potency and see what it brings. I am praying for lots more healing, more words, more of the Alex I know is in there to blossom.

As always keep Alex in your prayers, god listens when we ask. Alex is prove, amen.

So far, so good.

It’s been 2 weeks since we started the fluoride clearing. The first week on 30C was a bit hectic, Alex reacted and lets just say it reminded me that there’s many rocky moments in order to get rid of the junk. He was very moody, everything needed to be his way, he screamed at the slightest change in plans, he went from good mood to not so good. Not fun at all but as we all know if there’s no aggravations, their may be no improvement either. For instance when we cleared pitocin nothing much happened, good or bad. I was hoping lots would happen but it didn’t which also told me pitocin was as big as a culprit as we thought it was.

As far as fluoride goes this past week (week 2 on 30C) was as easy as pie. Alex didn’t react at all, he was as lovable as always. At school he had up and down moments but most of them because he had to give up iPad which is not new to us. Per his aide Alex always amazes him with his intelligence, they were working on math this week and Alex was able to label and identify all the geometric shapes put in front of him. Things like a trapezoid, octagon, you name it he knows it. Another cool thing Alex’s aide mentioned today is that while on break he had a dream about Alex. He said he dreamt Alex was in 2nd grade talking soooooo much. I wish his aide knew how great his dream made me feel, if he only knew that that’s been my dream for so long. Needless to say this week was a good week.

Next week we move onto fluoride 200C and we shall see what happens, I’ll be sure to keep you all posted. Happy weekend and many healing thoughts your way!

An anniversary to remember!

March 31st for the past 3 years has been a debating day, specially march 31st of 2009. That’s the day our greatest fear was confirmed, Alex had autism. For 4 years this date made me depressed, angry, just plain miserable. It’s an anniversary I never wanted to have in my life, an anniversary that yesterday turned into a happy one. There were no tears, no sadness, no depression, nothing but HAPPINESS and CELEBRATION!

Yesterday was the day we took march 31st back and made it an awesome, unforgettable day. We woke up bright and early, Alex came into our room to start our day, he’s the day started you could say. We got dressed, relatively quickly I might add and headed out to celebrate everything we’ve accomplished. By that I mean celebrate how far Alex has come since that very sad march 31st of 2009. Our first stop was at one of Portland most popular food trucks, they serve breakfast sandwiches that are quite yummy. We as outside on a bench while we enjoyed the sunny beautiful morning we were having. And as any Portlander knows, when the sun comes out, so do we. When we got out food Alex completely surprised me when he took his very first bite of a ham and egg sandwich. He usually doesn’t go for something like this, but yesterday he must have been in an adventurous mood. Once we were done with breakfast we headed for the zoo. Alex had been so excited about this that we couldn’t disappoint him.

At the zoo he had a blast, not one bad moment. He loved every second of it, when he saw the train go by he started saying/singing ” Chaga Chaga Cho Cho, Chaga Chaga Cho Cho”. When he saw the polar bears he said “polar bear, polar bear what do you hear” as he saw monkeys he said “five little monkeys jumping on the bed” so everything he saw was a great reason so sing and delight us with his cute voice. A voice I hope to hear more of as time goes by, as he heals and grows. After much walking and exploring we stopped at a grass area at the zoo to rest and take a break. Alex used this little break to play on his iPad, he’s old trusty iPad.

After the zoo we headed to our friends house who Alex just adores since he was a bab. Having them with us yesterday made the day all that better. This day and our journey out of autism wouldn’t be the same without our best friends. My best friend who Alex calls uncle, has been with us before autism and more importantly after which is when the rest of our so called “friends” and family disappeared. He’s been with Alex in a HBOT, at drs appointments, held him down for IV chelation, he’s taught Alex to used the Kinect, he’s loved Alex since he was a baby and Alex has loved him. I remember when Alex was a baby and he would come visit us, Alex saw him and ran to him, he loved and enjoyed every minute he spent with him. The hard part was watching him leave, Alex would cry and cry, sometimes to the point of crying himself to sleep from the sadness he felt to see him go. Now that Alex is older and he can communicate his needs, he’s favorite request and most asked for request is “uncles house”, if it was up to Alex he would live there. I’ve said it once and I’m sure I’ll say it for many years to come, Alex knows good honest people when he sees them.

So after all is said and done, march 31st will never again be a day of sadness and bad memories. From now on march 31st is a day to celebrate, a day to rejoice, a day to spend it with people who believe in us and our dreams, a day to celebrate Alex and all he’s accomplished, how far he’s come, how amazing he is. We’ve taken this day back just like all the things autism stole from Alex one day. Autism your days are numbered, everyday is a day less for you, a day gained for Alex. Let the celebration continue, let the power of homeopathy and CEASE continue to heal Alex, let everyday be a celebration of Alex’s life!

We are back, CEASE therapy we have missed you!

It seems like I have not done CEASE in years but in all reality it’s only been about 9-10 months. Our last clearing was our 2nd round of DTaP which was just amazing for Alex. What will we be clearing this time around? Well I have been thinking and thinking what vaccine clearing can we do that will be best for Alex and also which vaccine clearing is Santi old enough to handle. When I started CEASE therapy back in 2010 Julie was already a year and a half and I felt she could benefit from getting natural immunity to whatever Alex could shed while clearing. Santi is only 7 months now so what to clear? Me and Sima discussed this many times, what vaccine is a “live virus”? Which one is not? Well judging from what has happened while clearing with Alex, that fact doesn’t truly matter as Julie has reacted to all his clearings even the ones that weren’t live virus vaccines. So I had to do a lot of thinking and rewinding my memory tape to see what I could come up with. I went all the way back to when we started Alex on juice, water or that mix very diluted apple juice and water. His then pediatrician told me about this “wonderful” water I should use for Alex. He said it was the best thing for Alex’s developing teeth, I being so blind back then  listened  to the “authority” figure the doctor was and gave Alex the water. I gave Alex this water for many years, I stopped using it when he was diagnosed in March of 2009 when I was very abruptly and without my permission  thrown into the world of autism. What water am I talking about, Fluoride water, the great all mighty teeth saver, cavities preventer, it prevents tooth decay, the greatest thing for your teeth according to whoever this is making millions for while the ones ingesting it are getting sick. Fluoride was first added to our water in 1945, by 2004 about 400 billions people worldwide are drinking fluoridated water. There is also trace amounts of fluoride in bottled water which I have also been using for god knows how long, I have to confess that I had no idea this was the case as I once read an article about what the best bottled water brand was but that article had not one piece mentioning fluoride. So with that being said I have been giving Alex and the whole family Nestle Pure Life bottled water for years now which was said to be the safest and the brand who had no problem disclosing it’s ingredients. After submerging myself in all sorts of articles this past week regarding fluoride I found some worth sharing. For example 

Re-dose is working already!

In my last post I mentioned Alex was on a new constitutional remedy, what I forgot to mention was that Julie was on one also. Why Julie? Well I noticed lots of things with her that I was not too happy with.
Things like all the fears she had about all sorts of different things, for example:
• fear of new people when we were outside
• fear of potty training
• fear of new places
• paralyzing fear when she did something wrong
• paralyzing fear when something went wrong.

There’s so many more fears I felt were due to her not being able to socialize with NT peers her age because she’s not in school and we don’t get to spend time with NT children either. We follow Alex’s flow and most of the time we are at home and when we go out we do things as a family no others really. Julie tried ballet last summer which she wasn’t crazy about so we stopped. I wanted her to start school this past September but because Santi joined our family that had to wait. Long story short she has not had the opportunity to have many interactions with NT peers, Alex is her best friend and what he does she does.

Her remedy, has helped her get over all these fears. The first dose was a little over 2 weeks ago. We started Tuesday night, and by Friday she was potty trained! Mind you I’ve been potty training Julie since before Santi’s birth without any luck or progress. It took her remedy 3 days and she was going in the potty and telling me when she needed to go. Also her fears were gone as that same Friday (3 days after starting remedy) I took her to the park where she made about 4-5 friends. Basically any child there she was talking to. It was beautiful to see, I know she’s outgoing but something was stopping her. She has also been eating sooooo much better, Julie’s eating habits were bad, bad, bad, bad. When I say bad I don’t mean she eats junk, one because we don’t buy junk and too because I wouldn’t let her. I say bad because she ate little to nothing. Meal times were so frustrating because I had to basically bribe her to eat or force her to take a few bites.

2 weeks after first dose: I noticed this past weekend she wasn’t at her best anymore, neither was Alex so I emailed Sima. She gave me the go ahead to re-dose both kids. Which I did Monday night and today something is happening. Both kids have low grade fevers and are sleeping. This is completely unlike both because naps are a thing of the past for both. I feel so good about this as I know this is a GOOD thing, it means healing is happening. And we all know healing is what we want!

Other good things I’ve noticed: the kids (Alex and Julie) have been acting like typical brother and sister. They been fighting over the same book, the same grape, who sits where, I’m telling you this is GOOD! Last week they had their first ever fight. Omg it was so bitter sweet to drive home from picking up Alex and see them going at it over Julie signing and Alex wanting her to stop. Alex was very vocal about it too, he kept saying “Julie stop, Julie stop”. Julie of course realized this was a great way to bug her brother so she sang even louder. I watched through my rear view mirror as Alex covered Julie’s mouth and Julie pushed his hand off as she sang. I couldn’t help to smile as I’ve been waiting for Alex to acknowledge Julie this way. I kept yelling at them to stop but it was pointless, thank god we only live 2 minutes away from school. When we got home I made then hug and kiss each other as I always do when they disagree. They didn’t like it but I sure enjoyed it.
Autism has stolen so much from us, it stole the connection my children should of had a long time ago, too bad for autism we’re getting that connection back!

Whatever this remedy is, I LOVE IT! I’ll keep updating as the week goes by, happy healing everyone.

2 weeks can make a world of a difference!

It’s been 2 weeks since we introduced camels milk into Alex’s diet. It hasn’t been super easy to get Alex to like the taste of the milk but he drinks it like he trooper he is. I tried it just to see what it tasted like and I have to say its not bad at all. Alex hasn’t had milk in years so I think he’s just told himself its not good so now that its back in his life he needs time to adjust to the thought of drinking milk again. What have I noticed in this two weeks? Well first of all Alex is A LOT MORE CONNECTED! He has been fighting with Julie like any other pair of siblings would, it’s been amazing to watch. He has also been very interested in my brother, he is 17 years old and spends his life in front of the tv on his newest baby, his Xbox. Alex has been going into his room to wrestle with him, yes wrestle! Today he went in there to ask my brother to play Gangnam Style for him, Alex and Julie are HUGE Gangnam Style fans. At school he’s aide keeps telling me that Alex has been so much more focused, that he’s been playing and interacting with kids more. On Friday one of Alex’s classmates told me Alex said hi to her when he saw her!!! Alex’s aides face light up when he asked her to tell me the story. He knows how much things like this make my day, I can tell it makes his day too!

At home: I’ve noticed he’s been more playful, more mischievous, lying and hiding things from me and I LOVE IT! Alex has always reacted to Santi’s crying, he covers his ears and says “binky binky”. Lately he’s been asking me to give Santi his bottle not just his binky. If Santi is within reach he will give him the bottle himself, what a good big brother he is. When it comes to Julie he’s been also very vocal about either wanting her around or not. He has been putting her in her place also when Julie pushes the wrong or right button depending on who you ask. He will tell her “Julie’s room, go”. It’s as if in these past 2 weeks they’ve become brother and sister, doing all things they should have been doing all along. It took almost 4 years but we’re finally here!

Classical homeopathy: after playing around with helium for quite some time now, we’ve come to the realization that helium wasn’t cutting it anymore. Sima has, as always come up with a great remedy for Alex, what is it this time? Who knows and honestly who cares! As long as its working I’m a happy momma, can’t ask for anything more but a remedy to match Alex therefore exposing the best Alex has to give.

CEASE therapy: we are back!! Ok so right now I have remedies in hand but Sima recommended we wait a week or two to begin our next clearing. She wants to give his now constitutional a little bit more time to do its magic on our handsome little man. I completely trust her and if she says wait, I just say how long! What will be we clearing? You shall soon know!!!

Hopefully these next few weeks can bring more healing and progress, hopefully everything we’re doing is exactly what Alex needs. Im letting my intuition guide us, I know it’s never wrong. With this I end my post and wish lots of healing to everyone searching for it. May we all find it soon, very, very soon.

The things that make me smile.

Today I want to share so many things, moments, words, looks, just so many things that make me smile. Many of what I will share is taken for granted by everyday people, by this I mean perfectly healthy individuals who have no idea how blessed they are to be, well healthy. The things that make me smile are simple things like Alex coming into my room, hugging me, then he kisses my cheek and away he goes. Gone in an instant but before he is gone he makes me smile by showing me his love. Or the times he crawls into my bed at night, I don’t hear him coming but when he arrives he makes his presence known by squeezing me with all his might while whispering in my ear “hug mom”. I specially love the times when he gives me eye contact and without saying a single word he tells me he’s here, he’s coming back and stronger than ever.

Moments from school that make my heart cry years of joy: last week while we ate lunch with Alex I noticed just how much the kids in his mainstream classroom like him. They tell me things about him and this is will never forget, when it came time to line up for indoor recess a boy was super fast to grab Alex’s hand and make him his walking buddy. Alex happily accepted, then as the teacher was trying to make the line as straight as possible somehow Alex ended up holding a little girls hand who was not giving up her right to be Alex’s walking buddy when the first boy realized Alex wasn’t with him anymore. He quickly argued that he was Alex’s walking buddy, not her, I watched as two children eagerly debated over who had more rights to hold Alex’s hand, I watched ever so proud and with eyes filled with tears. This two children have no idea just how much they helped me heal a heart that’s been broken since I heard the word autism. If they only knew how their small action was HUGE AND SO POWERFUL to my healing.

This next set of words I want every mother who’s child isn’t speaking or conversation yet to please pay very close attention to. Yesterday I was reminded that just because Alex isn’t having conversations with me yet, or may seem like his not paying attention it doesn’t mean his not hearing it all. Let me explain what I mean: so 2 weeks ago I was visiting my god mother, her son has an iPad she got him for Christmas. Alex asked to borrow it and my little cousin very kindly let Alex use it. Luis met us there after work and when Alex saw Luis he got up to greet him, my god mother was in Alex’s way so Alex being the very cautious boy that he is walked around her so he wouldn’t bumped into her, sadly he tripped over her dogs bed and as he tripped the iPad flew outta his hands. Mind you she has tile flooring and the iPad has a very “not so protecting case on it, it’s more of a pretty case then it actually protects. At the time we all held our breath as we saw this all unfold. I looked at the iPad which seemed ok miraculously, how did it not break I have no clue, or so I thought. The next day I get a call from my god mother saying “Lucy I’m sorry but today we realized the iPad is cracked, it’s got a line going across the whole screen”. My heart dropped as I heard her telling me this: thankfully she had insurance on it, so I was able to get her a new iPad and all was good. Yesterday we went to pick up Julie from her house as I had then babysit for me so I could take Alex to his osteopathy appointment. The first thing Alex said to her was “where’s new iPad?” I was like “WHAT?” How did he know she had a new one? Who told him? WHAT? And then it HIT ME like a TON OF BRICKS! My son hears me talking, he hears me BITCH about things, he hears me laugh, he hears me cry, HE HEARS ME, even though he may not say anything to me at the time, he hears it and he’s here. He heard me and Luis talking about the new iPad and yesterday when we were there again he wanted to see and it play with it, so please lets not forget that our kids hearing is perfect. They may seem like their not paying attention, but they are. Yesterday I was reminded of this and it made me smile.

Everyday things that make me smile: waking up every morning to Alex’s voice saying “good morning mom”. Watching him walk into school so happy and excited about what could be waiting for him inside. I smile when Alex refuses to leave the house with every single member of our family, Julie, Santi, Luis, dad and mom. I smile and heal inside as I read books to him and Julie and watch how their little faces light up with every word and page I read to them. I smile knowing Alex, Julie and Santi are happy, healthy and more so because god granted me the honor of being their mother. I smile because I can, because I have many reasons to, I smile because I am happy and loved by three beautiful amazing children. I smile because Alex is healing, he’s recovering, he’s coming back everyday more and more. I smile because I know one day not far from now Alex will be completely healed, I smile knowing he’s on his way!