Strength, that’s all I ask for.

These past few weeks have been so up and down, one day we are on top of the world the next we are thrown back down without a warning. It’s been over five years since we began this journey and while we’ve made leaps and bounds things do still get tough, really tough. When will it be over I ask myself, when? Living with a child who was vaccine injured is a daily struggle, it hurts everyone in the house when Alex is struggling. This flu clearing hasn’t been easy, it’s been far from it. While we’ve had amazing days we’ve also had lots of bad ones, and when I say bad I mean bad. Alex’s major reactions with this clearing has been anger, very little tolerance for sounds, and a lot of sleep issues as well. The first week on 200c he had a fever and flu like symptoms, we are on week 3 now and I still see how it aggravates his mood as we dose. The other two kids have caught runny noses, fevers and coughing as well, today I felt sick with flu like symptoms too. The good thing about the clearing is that I’ve noticed he’s been asking more questions, the days when he is happy he is so with it, such a joy to be able to see the true happy Alex. Gives me a little preview of what’s to come, because I have no doubt he will continue to heal.

As far as school goes we are done with that, took them less than a month to crush my baby’s spirit. He refuses to go to school and he begged for months to go back. I remember the night before school started, he didn’t want to go to sleep. As soon as I said “if you don’t go to bed now you won’t go to school tomorrow” Alex ran into his room and tucked himself in. He was so excited and happy to see his aide, he kept saying he wanted friends, that he missed school. Four days into school his teacher emails me and tells she noticed that one of Alex’s strength was math. She started sending him to a regular education classroom for math every morning. Alex was super happy at first but very fast he started refusing to go. It all has gone from bad to worse, I realize homeschooling is the best and only option for us. Plus with Alex’s reactions to this clearing I think the best thing to do is stay home and continue focusing on his healing.

As always I pray and ask that you keep us in your prayers, please send my baby healing thoughts and energy. Wishing you the same as well.

Pictures from Alex’s first day of school and his first day back to homeschooling. Something about being in your pjs while you teach and learn just makes me smile :)

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Today I ask for your help!

Last week while doing my daily rounds through my Facebook newsfeed I saw a post from a friend. She was asking for prayers, she didn’t say what the prayers were needed for but I prayed for her nonetheless. As the days went by I saw more posts of other fellow moms telling her they would keep praying for her and to be strong. I didn’t understand exactly what the situation was until I scrolled down and saw a post I wish was never written. It was a mom asking for prayers for Melanie, who was once again battling cancer. When I read that I felt as though someone knocked the wind outta me, didn’t know what to say. She’s the mother of a child with autism, a child who really needs his mom. He’s healing and life depends on mommy being by his side daily to keep fighting for him. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I feel for this woman, what she is facing isn’t easy. She’s a strong woman and it amazes me that through all of this her courage and sense of humor are intact. While many would cave and give up, she keeps fighting. We autism moms fight whatever comes our way, but let’s not forget we also need help, a lot of help. In her situation at this point financial help is truly needed as her medical bills will continue to pile up if they don’t get the help they need. I ask that if you can help at all you please do. And if you can’t help, share this link, maybe your friends and family can help. Anything helps, please donate if you can and please, please, please keep Melanie in your prayers.

Thank you in advance and god bless you all!

Melanie’s donation page!

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Flu Clearing and everything in between.

Yes, we are back at it. If you don’t follow us on Facebook then you might not be aware that we are clearing again. Alex had a set back this summer, very unexpected as he was doing so good. It was heartbreaking to see him struggling so much, set backs are never easy that’s for sure. I spoke to Sima and as always, she’s got the answers we need. We talked a lot about diet, supplements, you name it. She mentioned clearing again which if I can be brutally honest, I hated the idea. I just want to see my boy healthy, happy, healed. And as much as I don’t like it, I have to clear again in order to obtained just that. Sima said she thought clearing the Flu shot would be a good idea. As I trust her completely, I agreed but was needing a little more conformation that that’s what god wanted us to do next. I sent my message out into the universe, I prayed and god answered. It’s beautiful how the universe and god have this special connection. You ask, you put your thoughts, dreams, wants out there and god uses the universe and people around us to deliver those answers we desperately need.

After me and Sima discussed and decided the flu vaccine would be our next clear I didn’t mention this to anyone. I didn’t blog about it, post on Facebook, nothing. It was between Sima, god, me and the universe. A week before I was set to start clearing my phone rang, I had one foot out the door rushing (as always) to get Julie to TKD. I hesitated to answer as I was running late, but something inside me said, “Lucy go back, you want to answer this call”, so I did. On the other side of that call was a mother I had spoken too months ago if not last year. My memory is horrendous so I honestly can’t pinpoint when we first spoke. She was calling to help guide me as I once did for her, how beautiful is that? She tells me she won’t take too much of my time but that she needed to tell me something. She then says something that sends chills through my body. She says “Lucy I have been going through your blog, I see what clearings have been the best for Alex and I think the next clearing for him should be (wait for it, wait for it) the flu vaccine”. I about lost the feeling in my legs and dropped to the floor. I mean, this can’t be a coincidence because well, those don’t exist. Everything happens for a reason, I asked god, he answered me through her. She gave me the confirmation I needed, she was gods messenger. When I hung up the phone I felt like such a relief, a weight lifted of me, I knew exactly what god wanted me to do, he had sent the answer.

The following Monday, which is now two weeks ago we began our flu clearing. It’s been very mellow, a little frustration here and there but nothing major. Today though, god answered my post from a few days ago. I posted about not being sure about moving up to 200C, that this weekend would be key to deciding that. Alex has been somewhat irritable today, sensitive to sound and his appetite is gone today. He felt warm and he asked for something he never does unless he’s not feeling good. He asked me to lay down with him as he wanted to take a nap. Alex doesn’t take naps, he hasn’t in years, so I know this means healing is happening, I just know it. He’s been peacefully sleeping for about an hour now. I feel such peace in my heart too, for some reason which I know I’ll find out soon. I feel like there’s beautiful days ahead of us. This clearing is what Alex needed, I know it is. I ask that you keep Alex in your thoughts and prayers. Help me put the best wishes for him out there, god listens and responds, always.

I’ll keep posting about how he is doing, you help him and me by praying for him. Wishing everyone a happy and safe holiday weekend. Sending lots of healing thoughts your way!!

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And life just keeps getting better and better!

Per Yun’s request I am taking time out of our lovely day to write an update. I apologize for not doing this before, but believe me when I say life hasn’t been this good before. Alex is loving and living life as only he can, he is talking up a storm, laughing, singing, telling jokes, playing pranks on mom and dad, you name it, he does it. It is just beautiful to wake up everyday to a very cheerful “good morning mom, get up”. No matter how tired I am, hearing his voice gives me immense energy to get up and try to conquer the world once again.

He has been asking to go back to school as he says he misses his friends, yeah you read that right, his friends. I had an IEP meeting with the school before we left for California, He will be rejoining school this September. Alex is more social then I ever dreamed he could be, he is saying hi to everyone and anyone he is attracted to. I say “attracted” as he choses very wisely who he socialize with. You see, Alex is very intuitive, he knows good people when he sees them. He’s the best guide I’ve ever had when it comes to choosing friends. Alex can sense peoples energy and vibes, as crazy as that sounds it’s true. Alex loves happy people, people with good vibes, good intentions, real kind people, he knows exactly who they are. We have been working with a wonderful woman who does ever energetic work you could say, she has helped me discover things/abilities about Alex I had no idea he possessed. As cool as this is, it’s both a curse and a blessing to be able to feel people emotions as much as Alex does. Why you ask? Well because if we are at a place where there’s unhappy people, mad, uncomfortable, Alex can pick that up and it affects him. When he’s with people he likes and that like him he is the happiest ever. If you can get a chance to do energetic work with your child, I suggest you do it, you’ll be amazed at what you can find out about your child.

About two weeks ago we took the kids to California, we drove and it was quite interesting at times and hair pulling at others. 16 hours in a car with 3 children isn’t easy let me tell you, but we did it and Alex was the best behaved one of the kids. Santi on the other hand, OMG!!!!! While in California Alex had a hard time the first few days, it was up and down but we made it. He loved the beach and the rides at the beach specially. He wanted to ride a huge roller coaster but this momma was not about to get on with him, I’m a big chicken when it comes to heights. We got to meet a mom and her lovely son whom I’ve been talking to for some time on Facebook. Alex had a blast on the rides with him, I loved watching them both smile as they rode.

We have been back home for about 2 week now and Alex couldn’t be happier. We’ve had two super fun weekends with play dates at new friends houses. Julie started taekwondo back I’m January, I followed soon after. This has brought so many amazing souls into our lives. We’ve been blessed with such amazing families which we can call friends now. Alex has found a little friend thanks to taekwondo, he is Julie’s partner in crime and the first child to ever say he wanted to be Alex’s friend. This brought tears to my eyes as I have been waiting for this day for far too long. Watching Alex playing with him has been quite a blessing. He and Julie play everyday now, witnessing this is pure bliss. I couldn’t wake up to anything better than hearing those two laughing and role playing to scenes from movies or the “kids next door” which is their new favorite show.

Alex’s personality is coming out more and more daily, he plays pranks on me and then laughs hysterically. Followed by “mom I am funny”, yes you are my son, yes you are. I could write for hours about how great he is doing, seriously I could. Life is great now, recovery is much better than I ever imagined it. I am the happiest mother on the block, I can now sit out in my porch and have coffee without a worry in the world. I know my son is living the life I always dreamed off, he is living life, key words!

Wishing everyone out there the same healing we have been able to achieve. God is good, god is always with us, ask and you shall receive. Hope and healing, may we all find the way to it.

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Living the life we always dreamed of!

Lots of things have happened since our last post, lots and lots of happy things. For one Alex is so happy, he is enjoying life and that is what I prayed so much for. He wakes up every morning bright and early with a huge smile on his face. He goes into my room, lays next to me and says “good morning mom, can I go play my iPad in my room?”. He’s such a good little boy, always asks for mommy’s permission before he plays. As I lay in bed I can hear him singing throughout the house, laughing as he watches videos on his iPad, sometimes it’s reading out loud that I enjoy the most. When he is hungry he finds me to ask for his breakfast item of choice, that can be anything from pancakes to spaghetti or tacos, yeah this kid is something else. He eats like there’s no tomorrow, but then again so do I so that’s that. I still remember when he only ate about 5 things, boy have things changed.

As the day goes by he goes from a book, to a movie, to his iPad or better yet playing with his brother and sister. When we are lucky enough to have some sunshine he asks Julie to go outside with him to jump on the trampoline. They play chase and jump until they can’t no more. This has got to be one of the most beautiful sights my eyes have been blessed to see, watching Alex initiate play with his sister and others is such a blessing.
On sunday while we visited with Julie’s a godparents Alex saw two boys kicking a soccer ball around. Alex watched them for some time and then the unthinkable happened. As we all stood there talking and eating Alex got up and walked towards the boys, I kept my eyes on Alex to see what he would do. He went up to one of the boys and asked “what are you boys doing?” The boy answered “we are playing”, Alex looked at them some more and then asked “can I play?”. I about died at the very moment of excitement, my son, the boy who we were once told would/could never speak just asked another kid to play. The boys said “yes you can play” and one proceeded to kick the ball Alex’s way. Alex being the adorable geek that he is, doesn’t know much about sports, he has never been interested in them. He watched the ball come his way and made no attempt to stop it, it hit his leg and all he could do and say was, “ouch”. We all laughed and celebrated that amazing miracle we had all witnessed. Needless to say that moment made my day.

Everyday is a happy day at our home, everyday is a blessing I thank god for. As far as CEASE goes we are taking a break for now. Alex’s last clearing lasted a couple of months so we felt giving him a break was best. He is doing so well that I don’t feel we need to do much except enjoy every second of everyday. I waited so long to be able to write a post like this, so long. Feel so thankful the day has come, I have so much to be tankful for. And just like I can say this today, you will too one day. All I ask is that you never give up, that you always get up when you fall, that you fight for your child like your life depends on it, because it does. Recovery is possible, Alex is prove.

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I am who I am today because of you, my son.

Tonight was the first night my mother and I went to the movies together. She invited me to the movies and I gladly accepted. While this may seem completely unimportant to many, it meant a lot to me. What is so special about this you may be asking? Well I’ll tell you what makes today’s event so meaningful to me and hopefully to you as well. The movie we watched was “Son of God” a movie I hadn’t even heard of until my mom mentioned it to me. As we sat watching Jesus’s life, I couldn’t help to think about Alex and the journey we’ve been on for the past 5 years. The more I watched the more I understood why, why we had been chosen to go through this, why I was chosen to be his mother.

Before Alex, I lived an empty life, I smiled to keep others happy, I made jokes to cheer them up. I did everything I did to please others while filling the void I had deep inside even if it was only temporary. Alex came into my life to fill every empty part of me, every single part. I knew he was special, very special. I always knew he would change my life and that of those around him. Jesus was the chosen son of god, just like our children were chosen for us. Everyone of those children out there were chosen to change our lives, each one. They were chosen to teach us just what life is truly about. While I wish the way would have been different, less painful mainly, I know this was the only way to teach us to appreciate everything god created for us. Just like we’ve told many people that the way they ate was wrong, that vaccines could/would hurt their children, that the natural way was the best way and yet they haven’t listened, maybe we wouldn’t have listened either. No one learns by others pain, no one understands your pain unless they have felt it themselves.

I ask, would you know just how powerful words are if it wasn’t because our children’s voices were taken? Would any of you truly feel the way you feel when your child hugs you? When your children eat? When they sleep? When they play? When they smile? When they look into your eyes and say so much without saying one single word? Tell me, would you know how HUGE that is if it wasn’t for what has happened to our children?

As I watched Mary look into her sons eyes as they said to her “your son will be our king, he is the chosen one” I realized our kids were chosen too. As Jesus carried the cross I realized that we all have a cross to carry, all of us. Some crosses are heavier than others and when it is our kids carrying that cross it’s even that much more painful. Mary watched as her son was beaten and crucified yet in her eyes I could see peace. As if she knew he would be ok, that he would return. That brought me back to a very painful day when I saw my husband cry as I have never seen him nor wanted to see. He was defeated, lost, without hope, without faith. He was crying because his son as he knew was gone, he cried and I could see the hopelessness in his eyes. I got on my knees just as he was, I looked him straight in the eyes and I made him a promise. A promise I was not going to break, a promise that I knew someway, somehow I would make a reality. I said to him “Luis I promise you that I will give you your son back, I will bring him back. Just like I gave him to you that beautiful November night 2 years ago, I will give him back you again. I don’t know how or when, but I promise you I will”.

Since that moment I have been determined to make that promise a reality. I have worked tirelessly trying to follow every sign god has given me to the best of my ability. I remember one night I broke down as I felt helpless, I broke down and cried. I asked god to do as he will, because I knew I was powerless without him. He is the almighty, his will and his power is what I needed to believe in. I put my sons faith in his hands, just like god had honored me with that beautiful boy once. I begged of him to return him to me once again, I begged god as though my life depended on it, because it did. I put Alex’s life in god hands and told god I would respect whatever he decided to do with it as couldn’t change what would happened anyways. I put my faith in god, I asked for guidance, for strength, I asked for him to show me the way. I have followed his signs the best way I could, I’ve learned to listen to my intuition, to question everything, I’ve learned so much. I have grown in every possible way, I am the amazing woman and mother I am today because of everything we’ve been through. I waited patiently ( at times) to hear Alex’s voice, I never lost faith that I would one day. I’ve waited for every hug, every touch, every smile, everything he can do today. We take nothing for granted now and I can only thank god and Alex for that. That angel has shown me just how great and powerful a single word can be, how a hug can shake you to your core. How looking into someone’s eyes can tell you so much about that person without a word needed. Alex has shown me how to smile from within, from the heart which is where it truly counts. Today I can confidently say I am happy, inside and out. Alex’s voice set me free, his voice was worth all the pain we have been through. Seeing him smile heals my heart, my soul, heals my painful and broken being. Alex, my son thank you for everything you’ve taught me, thank you for showing me that miracles do exist, that blessings come in all shapes and sizes, that god truly does listen when you believe in him. What a way to teach me god does exist, you my son have taught me more in your lifetime than I ever learned in mine. Every second of everyday is a blessing, I now know that because of you. Thank you Alex, thank you for showing me how to live a fulfilling life, a meaningful life.

To every mother reading this, I ask that you never loose hope, that you never give up. One day you too will hear your sons voice, one day you will hear then sing, dance, speak, laugh. One day they will look straight into your eyes while holding your hand tightly and thank you for never giving up. They will thank you for being strong when all you wanted to do was crumble, for believing even though things were not going your way. For being their voices when they had none, for being the best possible mother you could have been given the circumstances. They will thank you for always getting up when you fell, for never staying down. One day all the bad moments will be just memories, memories that will no longer hurt. One day you will look back and know you wouldn’t change a thing even if you could. Everything we have lived up to today was meant to be, it was written, everything. It was the way it was to make us who we are today.

I’ll end tonight’s post with this:
Luke 1:37 – For with God nothing shall be impossible. Amen

Happy days!

Happy days are becoming an everyday part of our lives. Alex has finally finished the hep b clearing we have been working on for months now. I can’t say enough about this clearing, it’s given us amazing gains. I’ll list the improvements as I recall them, they are not in order of when/how they happened during the clearing just how my poor memory can recall.

• more understanding of what was being said or asked.
• he started asking questions about random things, questions about why he couldn’t eat a certain food item, questions about where dad was, Julie, Santi, etc.
• Alex is signing and signing throughout the house, he is happy and he wants the whole house to know it.
• Alex has been spending more time outta his room and playing with Julie.
• as we drive around he asks “are we there yet?” Like a millions times like I always heard other moms say their kids did, yeah this is exciting to me! lol
• he is making up excuses as to why he can’t go to ABA, he’ll say things like “yeah mom tell “_________” I can’t go to therapy today” when I ask him why he says “because I just can’t mom”, good try buddy.
• he is commenting on things and saying the silliest things also. The other day when I told him we had no more lettuce he said “o lord we have no money for food, someone help us, someone hear our prayers!” lol I about laughed my voice away from laughing so hard.
• his sense of humor is emerging too, yesterday he was telling me knock knock jokes. Then the other night he walked into the living room and said “is it hot in here or is it just me?” Alex you’re one funny guy.
• he’s happier and more comfortable is how in can describe it. He’s answering questions he couldn’t before like: how are you? What do you need? He’s telling us he’s hungry, when before it was just I want followed by the item he wanted, he’s
asking in full sentences what he wants or needs. His language has gotten tremendously clearer and a lot more frequent.

Overall we are all happier because, well you know why, Alex is happy. When Alex is happy momma is happy, and when momma is happy this house bursts with happiness. What clearing is next? Not sure yet, Sima and I have yet to decide. For now I can say I love where we are, we are at a happy place thanks to god, Sima and CEASE therapy. I don’t now exactly what the future holds for us, but I have a HUGE suspicion it’s going to be awesome!

Blessings and healing thoughts for you all from Alex and the gang!

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